‘Because I said so!’

If you have to say ‘Because I said so’ – you’ve lost.

I don’t know of any other phrase implies failure to lead as much as that one does. This afternoon, I’ve made a few facebook and twitter posts containing quotes from Seth Godin’s new book ‘Linchpin’. The book is powerful, inspiring and most of all, thought provoking. I suppose that makes the quotes all the more thought provoking and it shows in the comments and responses I’ve received.

The first post went like this – “People follow because they want to. Not because you order them to.” My father reacted like I expect my father to: “That depends on what kind of weapons the leader has.” To which someone else responded: “What would you classify as a weapon?” I said “Anything that is used to intimidate or force someone to comply.” That got me thinking.

Why would a leader have to force an employee to do a task? Is it because the task is so dreadfully horrible that it would cause the employee immense discomfort or even pain? Probably not. Do those tasks even exist? And if they do, are they legal?

The more likely reason is that the employee doesn’t respect the leader and they probably don’t respect the leader because the leader doesn’t respect them. And that is the ultimate disrespect.

How much respect does the follow phrase command? “Because I said so!” What does it really mean? To me, it feels like ‘Listen, you’re far too stupid to understand the concept that I am unwilling to explain to you’. There are a couple preconceived notions in that phrase that rob respect from ‘the leader—>follower’ relationship. The notion that the employee is ’stupid’ or worse – not worth the leader’s time. If it’s the latter – especially if it’s the latter – you’ve already lost the game.

The same goes for the following phrases:

“Do it or you’re fired”

“Do it or this will be documented (written up)”

“Do it or you can kiss that promotion/raise/benefit goodbye”

When you have to resort to these types of statements, you’re not a leader. You are a tyrant. You intimidate your people instead of inspire. You threaten instead of teach. Teaching and inspiring are the main principles of leadership.

This doesn’t mean that you don’t give feedback or criticize. It just means that you do those things in a constructive manner. Your job is to bring the best out of your people – push them to be better than they ever thought they could be.

Consider the following story:

A Shepard tells his apprentice to carry two large buckets of water to the top of the hill. The apprentice, slightly confused, asks ‘why?’ The Shepard, who is clearly annoyed, snaps back: “Because I said so!”

What if the Shepard had responded differently to the question? What if he instead told the apprentice that the sheep graze most at the top of the hill and need to be watered quickly after feeding in order to ensure their coats grow evenly.(This is complete BS by the way. I know nothing about sheep.) What if he spoke passionately about his love for animals and the marvelous things they can produce when properly cared for? What if he inspired the apprentice with his passion? What are the chances that the apprentice would have understood and performed the task without another question?

Let’s go even further. What if, as a result of this teachable moment, the apprentice eventually designs a system that can move water uphill more efficiently than just carrying buckets? The apprentice understands that giving the sheep plenty of water is important and thus devises a better way to get it to them. The Shepard has helped the apprentice become a better caretaker of sheep. He brought out the best in the apprentice by teaching.

I realize the story is not well written, but I think the lesson is there.